50+ Best Funny Instagram Bios & Quotes Ideas

1. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
2. Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them.
3. I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk!
4. Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.
5. I wonder what happens when the doctor’s wife eats an apple a day…
6. Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
7. Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan.
8. Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.
9. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
10. Here to serve…. the cat overlord.
11. Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.
12. Have lots of hair and like ugly things.
13. Recovering ice cream addict.
14. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
15. You’re a 10, on the pH scale… Cuz you’re basic.
16. I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
17. I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
18. I put the hot in psychotic.
19. Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
20. It’s very difficult to be great. Losers prove this point continuously.
21. Save water, drink beer.
22. 1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d.
23. Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands.
24. I will go into survival mode if tickled.
25. Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
26. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
27. My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart.
28. I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
29. I only rap caucasionally.
30. Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
31. You’re right. I’m NOT perfect. But I’m unique!
32. A lie is just a great story ruined by truth.
33. Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal and they die sooner.
34. I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.
35. White lips, pale face, I hate the entire human race.
36. I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.
37. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.
38. Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
39. This is my last Instagram bio ever.
40. I prefer my puns intended.
41. I work for money, for loyalty hire a Dog.
42. I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation… Twice a year.
43. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
44. The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells.
45. Not all men are fools, some stay single.
46. If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment.
47. Don’t hit kids!!! No, seriously, they have guns now.
48. The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
49. Exercise, ex..er..cise, ex…ar..cise, eggs are sides, for BACON!
50. I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
51. I ran into my ex today… Put it in reverse and did it again!!!
52. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
53. Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoe.
54. Camping is intents.
55. I still don’t understand Twitter, but here I am.
56. Save paper, don’t do homework.
57. Nice guys finish lunch.
58. My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
59. Born to express not to impress.
60. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
61. Born at a very young age.
62. I still miss my ex – but guess what? My aim is getting better.
63. BAE: Bacon And Eggs.

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